A little touch of shame
Today I got the nerve up to ask a question that could be taken in a couple of ways. I took the plunge and was ‘shot down’. The immediate rush of blood to my face and the sinking feeling in my chest were the tell-tale sign that I was having a shame attack! I definitely had my moment of “I wish I hadn’t” or “Can I take that moment back” but I also sat in a little bit of fascination about my shame feelings.
One thing that is curious to me is the sense of permanence about the feeling. For a few minutes, it feels like the feeling of ‘less than’ stays in this hot gooey state and it feels immovable. The circle of thoughts go around for a while…and then with a little time and distance from the situation, it magically shifts to more of an ‘oh well’, ‘bummer’, ‘I’ll live’ kind of feeling. Then it becomes a non issue all together (which is where I sit at the moment).
So, so fascinating about that feeling state and progression of thoughts and emotions. “Shame: it’s a curious thing”.