Rising

I have two kids.  They are both ‘rising’ into the next phase of their education; middle school and high school.  The house is filled with anticipatory energy and a little ‘first day’ nerves.  I have done my annual pre-September nesting where most all the closets and piles have been purged.  It feels like a fresh start all around.

Next up, practicing being present with the kids as they navigate a world that I will have less and less influence in what they are doing/seeing/hearing/knowing.  It is all good stuff and all a little unnerving from parental perspective.

I am blessed with 2 great kids, a husband of 19 years (as of next Tuesday) and a home that we are pleased to call our own…and a puppy that keeps us busy.  I know that I am loved and supported beyond measure and that makes this ‘rising’ another great adventure for our family

The rising starts way too early – 5:30 am wake up call for the Freshman – YOWZA!

A Pespective on Work

Today is my first 4th of July that I’ve had “off” in 13 years. 

What I mean by that is that for the past 13 years I was not working in an employee/employer role.  I was doing my own working gigs and also playing the role of stay-at-home caregiver. 

Today, I have the “day off” from my part-time gig I attracted in late February (I still love it!).  It is funny because as I have this day off, I am compelled to sit down and “work” (otherwise known as play for me).  I want to continue to expand my coaching and photography passions and one way is to continue my training and another is to continue to explore my own thoughts and beliefs through writing. 

So, here I sit on my “day off” sitting in my office, writing and doing homework.  Some might see it as work.  I see it as a scrumptious use of my time. 

It is all a matter of perspective and alignment. 

Do what feels good is all that is required for a life that feels like work and play are actually synonymous.  Sometimes it is a practice-makes-perfect kind of alignment.  I believe whole heartedly that if you intend to see/feel that work and play are synonymous they will be…and I also believe that it doesn’t take a whole lot of time to get there. 

My favorite question is “What feels most like play today?”…today play/work feels like what I am doing right now in my office. 

Back On Track

The events of the past few days have left me feeling quite full, but not quite capable of adding writing to my day. 

I love to write and to reflect and to explore and to “elevate the ordinary” (my personal writing style).

I also like to relax and to “just be”, sometimes. 

I did that this weekend, and now I see more writing in my future.  I’m psychic like that!

Dual Purpose

The internet can have two opposing purposes for me.

Some days it is a mood lifter, inspirer, connector, and laugh creator.

Some days it is an escape, an addiction, a time waster and a black hole.

Today, I am happy to report that the former is the result of my time there. 

I intend to reduce my interaction with the latter. 

Here’s to awareness!

Growth Happens

Today I had a beautiful human experience.

I experienced emotions that ranged from disappointment, loneliness, helplessness and sadness.  This all happened within an hour over a personal challenge I’ve had around worthiness. 

What I love, is that I was willing to be present with the feelings. I was willing to be vulnerable. I was willing to gain perspective.  And, I am willing to believe by doing this, I am expanding the possibility that I will move beyond this issue.  I am inclined to own the statement “Growth Happens”.

Join Up

I had the great opportunity to go to a leadership workshop that involved horses.  I have known of this concept for about 5 years and the time finally came for me to participate. 

One portion of the day we were to have the horse do what we intended for it to do, using only our energy and very simple movements.  The elements that invite a horse to follow your lead are:  grounding, congruity of feelings and thoughts, connection, and non attachment to the outcome. 

My intention was to have the horse walk beside me around the pen.  I struggled at first to connect with the feeling state I would need to attract him to join me in my walk.  With some coaching and a few tries, I achieved my goal.  What finally got the horse to ‘join up’ was a giddy/fun feeling…and a little giggle inside: she immediately walked over and joined me around the pen.  I enjoyed every minute.  As I was walking, the coach asked me how I felt.  What happened next was my key learning point..to answer the question, I went from feeling to thinking and…the horse stopped, and my connection with her was dropped. 

The dropped connection with the horse was my point of awareness and has a lot of meaning in many areas of my life.  HOW COOL? That simple walk around the round pen had many layers of meaning and a lot for me to process. 

I am left with the question:  how do I remain in the aligned feeling-state energy which allows people, events, nature and things to ‘join up’ with me (an equine coaching term) .  What I believe is that an aligned feeling-state equals leader energy which allows the Universe to join-up and follow my lead/intentions/desires. 

I am ready to find the answer…and I know it will ‘join up’ with me.  Beautiful!

NOTE:  If you’re interested in Equus Coaching, these are the two facilitators from my workshop Renee Sievert and Dixie St. John.  I also had excellent coaching by workshop organizer, executive coach Michele Woodward.

Priorities

My priority this weekend is connection.  I am having a full weekend seeing long time friends, new neighborhood friends, friends who are moving away…and friends who will forever be a part of my life but are not always here with me physically.

All is what is meant to be and I love every minute of it. 

Round and Round it Goes

The transition to summer is a time of ends and beginnings.  They sneak up on me.  Every week my calendar is magically full…and I am often having to respond to new inquiries with the ‘how about next week’ refrain.  It is all good, and soon enough, I will look at a wide-open schedule and pine for a little more activity.  My life-long modus operandi has been ‘go with the flow’…and so it goes.

A little touch of shame

Today I got the nerve up to ask a question that could be taken in a couple of ways.  I took the plunge and was ‘shot down’.  The immediate rush of blood to my face and the sinking feeling in my chest were the tell-tale sign that I was having a shame attack!  I definitely had my moment of “I wish I hadn’t” or “Can I take that moment back” but I also sat in a little bit of fascination about my shame feelings. 

One thing that is curious to me is the sense of permanence about the feeling.  For a few minutes, it feels like the feeling of ‘less than’ stays in this hot gooey state and it feels immovable.  The circle of thoughts go around for a while…and then with a little time and distance from the situation, it magically shifts to more of an ‘oh well’, ‘bummer’, ‘I’ll live’ kind of feeling.  Then it becomes a non issue all together (which is where I sit at the moment). 

So, so fascinating about that feeling state and progression of thoughts and emotions.  “Shame: it’s a curious thing”.

Hits and Homeruns

Today was that kind of day where the ‘best laid plans’ were compromised by the ‘mom’ part of my life.  I had a sweet evening planned to gather with my 2 local buds.  We were being “spontaneous” (if that is possible with kids and jobs and such). 

Once I sent my ‘I’m in” email, I realized that I left a few things off my calendar AND forgot that my ‘other half’ wasn’t available for our regular “divide and conquer” parenting tactics for sports and after-school activities. 

So, every other hour I had to change a little bit of my story about how “available” I was for the evening…the time kept chipping away, “I can meet you guys but I’ll have to move the time back an hour so I can get my daughter home from soccer”.  Great…we got that settled.  Then, I realized that my son had a baseball game and my husband usually is the baseball parent…so back to the email to say “You guys get started and I’ll be there for the last hour of our time together”.  All was well but I was starting to feel rushed, guilty, and still not sure I can swing all three. 

In the end, I was able to achieve it all. 

I am so glad I went to my son’s game because he played the best game he ever had and I can now play that ‘movie’ in my mind of the look of pride on his face…that is like a drug for a mom to see their child glowing with pride. 

By the end of the game it was pouring.  I rushed the boy home, checked in on the girl, entered the GPS for my next destination and went to meet with my friends (driving with hands at 10 and 2 because it was pouring). 

The thing is, there were many points in the day where I could have gracefully bowed out of the time with my friends.  They’d have my back and we could make it work another day…BUT I wanted that time.  I love how I feel when I connect with people who want to talk about deep and meaningful topics.  It is another drug for me.  So you could say I got 2 “hits” today (which is what my son got too). 

I could even add a third ‘hit’ because I really do love when I can masterfully (but not always gracefully) puzzle together a complicated day so that all things on the schedule can be achieved.  It’s like sliding into home base…you’re tired, a little dirty and beat up, but the thrill of the achievement makes it all worth it! 

I guess I could add a 4th ‘hit’ as I love to write here, and this is the victory lap for a home run kind of day. 

How is that for ‘mixing metaphors’ about drugs and baseball…maybe not so gracefully!