I have recently become the mother to a 14 year old daughter. The mood in our has shifted significantly; as if over night.
Way back when, someone told me that how children are at 2 years old is correlated to how they act as teenagers. Um…I am living that truth right now.
I survived and even thrived as a parent back then, so I am feeling confident that the same can be true for this time around. Deep breaths, connecting with my peeps, focusing on my own self fulfillment, and celebrating successes along the way are all I can ask of myself. God give me strength!
Now its time…to say goodbye…and hello again
I’ve wanted an upgrade to my website for some time.
My word for 2014 is DECIDE. So I decided to pay a professional to rework my website. Through a serendipitous post from a good friend, I was brought to the work of Ila at http://www.halfsky.org/. With my desires for an enhanced website, it was determined that I would be best served on a different platform. So…alas, my new home is at SquareSpace.com and my website is pointed there.
Please do visit me there at http://www.lauraenglish.net/. Visit often please, and I eventually will have the ability to sign up for email updates!
I am excited to write, coach and create in my new home (website). I look forward to seeing you over there. Please also check me out on social media (links on my new website).
As the saying goes, “see you on the other side”.
Throat Says “NO”
I was just about to write a post about perfection again (an update of sorts) and all of a sudden my throat began to constrict. Then I remembered…that is my sign of NO.
I felt such relief when I felt that and heeded the message. I could sense the heaviness that I was feeling about writing about perfection and so the release of the article to the virtual garbage bin gave me an immediate light feeling.
I love that I have access to a personal yes/no barometer. We all do. A coaching term used to describe this barometer is ‘body compass’.
I don’t always sense my body compass; especially when I’m in the ‘thinking’ mode. When I do feel and subsequently heed my body compass, I feel connected, creative, and powerful. All good things in my book.
What is your ‘yes/no’ feeling state? When did you last heed it? I would love to know. I love “collecting stories” about this stuff!
I had several near misses with birds today (with my car). I was lead to search for the message in these interactions. My search brought me to this quote.
“In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence.”
― Robert Lynd
Message received. Namaste.
I would like to change my relationship with perfectionism. The areas of my life that are most affected by this affliction are
- The cleanliness of my house
- My relationship with my body
- My expectations for how to be successful
- My support of my kids’ education
All of these areas have a few things in common:
- They all require continual attention to keep “on top of it” with their successful attainment.
- They are areas that I feel the least adept.
- There doesn’t seem to be an ‘end point’ for the effort involved
- The standards for success seem high or unrealistic at times
So…what is a girl to do?
The first step is to admit there is a “problem”. The second is to decide what I ultimately want to feel. The third is to get busy creating ways to feel those feelings right now.
If I were to guess at what I want to feel, I’d guess: peaceful and resourceful. My next step is to mindfully create situations that help me feel that way. To achieve this, I will set aside time tomorrow to create a list of ways I can achieve said feelings (fun and creative will be the intention for the list). I also would like to invite the Universe to provide opportunities, resources and experiences that help me to feel more aligned with the situations described above. This or better!
This is how I feel when I do what I love.
Tonight, I experienced this feeling. I hosted a group of women to talk about desires and to script our future selves and roll play and say what would be true if we had what we desired. It was a perfect night. What I love about it is a) I have people that enjoy the same things that I do b) I was willing to take the risk to make it happen c) people desire this connection and I am willing and able to make it happen. If I were to put words to what happen tonight they would be…growth, expansion, connection, insight, discovery and activation.
I am going to be bold and say that epic shifts happened tonight and in a year, I will be so glad that tonight happened. This or better!,
Where in your life are you feeling in ‘full blossom’?
I love the concept of inspired action.
I think it is the coolest and most fun part of life.
It takes some faith and a strong belief that if you are coming from a clean place, whatever action you take is a good one; and it has the potential to lead to amazing results in your life.
It takes self awareness to recognize when action is coming from a place of inspiration vs a place of should do, have to do, must do.
I am certainly not perfect but boy am I making it an intentional part of my life.
Some inspired action looks logical and aligned with a desired goal, and some inspired action looks almost like crazy-town, but it is inspired by a hunch, a whim or a desire for fun.
Inspired action ALWAYS leads me to my ultimate goal: to have fun, experience joy, connect authentically, be creative and continue to learn.
Whether action is logical or whack-a-doodle, if it is aligned with core values and an ultimate desired feeling state, you cannot go wrong…EVER.
Today I acted from inspiration and the end result was that I felt good, I had personal awareness and I feel as if I’ve made progress in my relationship with money. The story goes like this…
I walked off the Metro and I heard street performers. That is a normal occurrence and I am often met with internal dialog about whether I should pay money. I often feel overwhelmed by the ‘reception line’ of requests as I walk to work. I desire to share my abundance with others, but I feel compelled to act from alignment versus guilt so I don’t give money because the conversations in my head do not feel inspired, they feel guilt-ridden and ‘should do’.
Today’s performers were a small brass band of young men. The song they played hit my soul as I pushed forward on my walk (in the wind and rain). It so inspired me that I turned right around, walked back to the Metro and handed over all the $1 bills in my purse. That felt really good. Where I have more growing to do is that I wish I could have effortlessly also given them the $20 I found in my purse. I would like to one day be able to have a relationship with money where if I feel so inspired, I can give a lot or a little and either is based on desire versus limiting beliefs and lack. One day, a $20 will be easy to give without thought or judgment.
My inspired action brought joy, growth and a sense of abundance. All good stuff in my book!
My daughter and her friends have started to use the phrase “I have the feels…” when they are exposed to something that makes them emotional. It cracks me up. I have no idea the genesis of this or what it truly means to them. Does it mean that they are acknowledging their feelings openly with their friends? OR are they trying to STOP their emotions by announcing it?
What I like about this is that the kids are able to acknowledge that they are experiencing an emotion. Perhaps we are starting to build a generation of people who can authentically experience their lives as human beings. What I further hope for my kids is that they:
- FEEL their feelings (it has been said if you allow an emotion to fully express itself, it takes an average of 90 seconds to run its course).
- Acknowledge and name what they’re feeling (Am I mad, sad, glad, scared etc?).
- Allow for all emotions to express appropriately and fully.
- Be curious about what preceded the emotion to learn more about what makes them feel the way they feel from a “scientific” versus a judgmental perspective.
- Remove themselves from situations and people who regularly activate their negative emotions.
- Know when the feelings turn from healthy to toxic.
- Ask for help when needed.
- Know that they are NOT responsible for the feelings of others, however
- Allow for their presence and authentic connection to influence positive emotions in others (but not be defeated if the person is not able to receive the positive influence).
- Surround themselves with people who allow for the free/healthy expression of feelings.
- Be the person who allows others to freely express their feelings (and help them to recognize if it is entering the toxic zone).
- Find healthy outlets for their feelings.
- Know the difference between a healthy outlet (humor, connection, sleep, exercise etc) versus numbing ones (sugar, shopping and other addictive vices).
I have to say, that this extensive list was not in my repertoire as a child, and in fact, it really has only become solidly realized in the past five years. I am so glad to have this awareness now as my teenaged children navigate the landscape of their youth.
If I were invited to participate in my daughter’s ‘trendy saying’ (which I am almost positive I am NOT)…I’d say FYF because YOLO (Feel Your Feelings because You Only Live Once) and for goodness sake LOLMO (Laugh Out Loud More Often)! Yay, she will really LOVE me saying that to her friends, NOT!
Back to Basics
In a recent coaching session, I was asked to deconstruct the ‘formula’ for manifesting group our desires. It was a fun challenge to call upon what I had studied and experienced in a quick spur-of-the-moment conversation. I proceeded to write the words Ask ->Feel->Let Go->Receive and attempted to describe each element in the most simple and easy-to-understand way. Here is the essence of my discussion:
Ask: Articulate and clarify what it is you want. Be as specific as you can about what you want. If you don’t know what it is you want, the best place to go is how do you want to FEEL? You do not have to know everything about what you want…but if you do know details, it is good to be willing to ‘own them’ and DECIDE what you want. If you are wishy-washy or holding beliefs that you cannot have what you want, then you will manifest wishy-washy and confirm the belief that you cannot have what you want.
Feel: This is juice that gets that facilitates the process of manifesting. It is important to ‘feel’ what you’d feel if you had what you want. What does it feel like to have the job you want, the man you want, the car you want, the life you desire. How will you feel, who will you be, what will you do, what will you have? This is a good way to ‘act-as-if you have it already’.
Let go: (cue “Let it Go” song from Frozen) This can be seen as the more difficult part of the equation and requires faith. As much as I asked you to ask for want you want (aka launch your desire), you have let go of it (or ‘hold it loosely’) and get on with your current life and become ok with where you are right now…in fact, you actually would be best served to ‘fall in love with’ where you are now. To do this, your job is to practice putting yourself in situations that activate the feeling state of what you would feel if you had what you desire. Things you can get busy doing are:
Engage in extreme self care
Practice gratitude and appreciation
Activate your values (mine are connection, learning, curiosity, fun…)
Hang out with people who support your vision
Read/learn about what others are doing who have what you want
Receive: This is where you would want to make sure you are paying attention to what is happening in your life. You will be getting signs and serendipitous events that are leading you to your desired results. A fun term for this is “breadcrumbs”. When things start happening that are hints and clues to getting what you want, notice them, celebrate them, and say thank you. Even if there are some not-so-nice things happening, they actually can be signs or lessons for you to help clarify what it is that you really DO want (usually the OPPOSITE of the ‘not-so-nice’ thing). It is possible that if you are unsure of what you want, then the ‘contrast’ is helping you gain further clarity. It is an invitation to move through the process again to fine tune your ask and requisite feeling state. In fact, I’d recommend a ‘rinse and repeat’ every so often. This will help with clarity, fine-tuning, reactivating your desires, and it gives a fresh perspective on your letting go rituals.
I have the utmost faith and belief in this process. In the past 5 years I’ve manifested a new school for my kids, a move across country, an ideal home and neighborhood, a rescue puppy, and a part-time job by using this equation. I am excited to reboot the process for my next gig. At the moment, I am not clear of my next ASK, so I’ll revel in loving what I have created for myself and open up to inspiration and desire. I have complete faith that I can get what I want AND BETTER, and so can you.
I get seats
I take public transportation every day. I LOVE that I live in an area where public transportation is possible and the norm.
In the beginning of my commuting experience, I accepted the fact that I would have to stand for the 20 minute ride to my destination…and also eventually be sandwiched among all the other commuters.
At some point I remembered that I get to write the story about my commute. So, I decided is to activate the belief…”I get seats on the Metro”.
So…I started telling myself that. I also started changing my schedule just enough to avoid the busy trains. Additionally, I decided to be willing to pass up a packed train.
As I started to practice being the person who always gets seats, I would get seats, not always right when I got on the train, but at some point in my journey to work. My deliberate thoughts started to become my reality.
Then I got a little overwhelmed. I asked “Is it seriously possible that I ALWAYS get a seat on the train?”. Once I activated the energy of disbelief, guess what happened? I didn’t get a seat on one of my morning commutes. I had to change my story to I “mostly” get a seat.
At the moment that feels a little more flexible and I guess realistic.
What I would love to believe that “realistic” is no longer necessary in my life, but for now, I love that 9 times out of 10, I get a seat on the train.