Autopilot

It might be the full moon and it might be just plain ole being human, but today I was in a funk.  There were loads of moments in my day where I could have given in and given up…but I didn’t. 

I got my kids off to school alive (always a bit check mark on my to do list).  I went to the gym (an easy one to take OFF my list).  Additionally, I got several significant ‘no fun’ items done.  On top of all that, I reduced the Mount Ranier sized pile of laundry to a hill. 

I am not writing this to stroke my ego; I’m writing this in a bit of shock and awe.  I really don’t know how I got from here to there in terms of my motivation and drive to get things done, despite the desire to crawl in bed for the full day.  In fact, I did crawl in bed for a 20 minute nap and still was able to get up and contribute today. 

My hunch is that my normal ‘trick-myself-into-doing-things’ was on autopilot today and I was able to set small goals to get a little done which then lead to more than expected getting accomplished.

I am excited to see that it just might be possible to have habits become so fluid that you don’t have to do the pep talks and pats on backs after a while.  Another possibility is that the full moon actually HELPED me take action even in my depleted energy.  That possibility is fine with me too…because I like looking at the check marks on my list (the list remained in my head today – I couldn’t be bothered to write it down).

Technicolor

Where I live, it rains.  This year it was especially rainy.  I was trying to meet the rain from an enlightened, “Loving What Is” kind of space, but alas, the weather got to me…sometimes I was down right angry especially on the 100th day of rain. 

This weekend was one of our FIRST times this year to have beautiful weather.  These great-weather days actually do happen and they can be legendary.   What I’m finding fascinating is that everything looks soooo green, and soooo blue and soooo crisp (ie the mountain ranges).  So I’m curious, is the technicolor experience based on MY perception because I’ve wanted this for so long, or is it just really that way.  My other question is that WHEN we’ve had our 30th great-weather day (I’m putting that as an affirmative…going to happen…kind of way) will I take these colors for granted, will they actually look as stunning to me?  I have it in my mind to take note, but I have a hunch, I’ll forget.  Maybe I’ll set a date in my calendar a month from now and take particular notice of my perceptions…OR…I’ll just take it one day at a time and enjoy it in whatever version it comes.

Fresh

June, for some reason, represents a fresh start for me.  If I were observant, I would notice that I have three ‘fresh start’ times in my year…June, September and January.  These are logical transition times for me at the moment as I have 2 young children and those months, not surprisingly, have transitional themes.  I don’t think I need to describe what they are. 

My fresh start today, June 1, involves me writing on an almost daily basis.  I did that for two full years on my blog www.happinessandmoonshine.blogspot.com and it was a fun way to reflect, inspire, be goofy, be serious and anything else that popped up for me.  That is the way I like to write, and somehow I lost that flavor of writing in the past year…which coincided with me having TWO blogs.  I lost my mojo…which resulted in very little writing and I can feel the difference.  

I am figuratively closing shop on my old blog (I may resurrect a few of my old posts and use them here).  My other blog felt like a lifeline for me and it served its purpose, and now this spot, right here, will be my new platform to jibber jabber and wax poetic (as best I can).  

I am giddy with excitement that my writing mojo is back…AND that this beautiful bush is blossoming outside my door.  Every time I see it I think of my early childhood bedroom; it had pink and green flowered wallpaper!

Blooming

I am overjoyed that my Violet plant has bloomed again.

I bought this plant in full bloom some time ago and then they blooms faded.

 

I watered and loved the healthy succulent leaves…but…

I had a lack of trust that those beautiful blooms would arrive again.

 

At the first sight of a bud I was giddy with anticipation.

 

I still had doubts because the buds look so wound tight and small that it didn’t make sense how that could bloom into this…but alas, one by one they are opening to this rich royal purple and I am in love and I am in awe and…

 

I am a little bit disappointed in myself for doubting that they would come.

 

Which leads me to the question, what else am I watering and caring for in doubt versus trust?  What seeds of opportunity have I planted and then left because of doubt or fear.

 

These fresh new Violet blooms are my invitation to remember to care for my desires in a place of trust and anticipation. 

Where are you?

Where are you my “drive”?

I seem to have lost you.

I see you in spits and spurts…

but, I think you’ve moved to the passenger seat.

I seem to resist you not being here.

I seem to be unwilling to be okay with you in the passenger seat.

What would it mean to be okay with a lack of drive?

It would mean I get to do nothing or something whenever I feel like it.

It would mean I trust that it will come when I need it.

It would mean that some days I am in full throttle…

and some days I am in idle…

and some I am on cruise control.

What is wrong with that?

I don’t know?

Somehow I’ve been believing that it isn’t right.

I am choosing for this moment to believe that it is quite all right…

and, in fact, necessary to replenish my systems for my next full throttle experience.

I like that thought.

Now what?

Now, I ….now, I….now, I… sit and wait for a whisper of what to do next.

I’m listening!

Green

Among my tribe of Martha Beck coaches, there is a ritual that has been handed down by one of my teachers/mentor Pam Slim.  It comes from a Native American practice where you light a green candle on a day that has “8” in it.  Today is February 28th…so I’ve got my candle lit.  The intention is to wish prosperity and abundance for oneself and for all.  I cannot say I always remember to do it; but when I do I have such a sense of peace about me.  Today’s prosperity prayer has such an interesting meaning to me because in the past two weeks I’ve committed to taking a harder look at my money beliefs and my journey to “financial sovereignty” (a term I learned from my other teacher/mentor Michele Woodward).  This weekend I a) made a big financial decision for myself and chose to tell my husband versus ask (an old habit) b) I sat down with my husband (over a yummy meal) to discuss my goals toward building a different and healthier relationship with our money and to talk goals for ourselves.  Since I’ve lit my candle, I’ve paid out the big financial investment (from (a) above) and I’ve also noticed that I see money everywhere at the moment…a dime in my car, $5 that belongs to my kids, a balance in my Paypal account, a discount for a program I’m starting.  This flow of abundance both in and out feels very very “rich” and healthy and kind and loving.  That is the relationship I am building with money.  I feel as if I’m beginning (actually restarting) my journey to financial sovereignty from a space of openness, excitement, clarity (ish), and desire.  That feels really really good.  So…today on our green candle day, I wish you peace, prosperity and abundance, it is our right!

Random Words

DAY – O

That was the first thing that came to mind as I sat to write…as in

Day O, me say Day O, Daylight come and me wanna go home. (press link for a laugh)

 

That song brings a smile to my face.

I love the randomness of my brain.

I like to notice it to see if there are messages in the randomness.

If there are no messages,

I like to notice just for fun.

No harm done.

 

What’s the ‘random’ in your head?

Courage

About every blog I am connected to is posting something about plans for the New Year.  I have to admit it feels a little tedious, but for some reason, I cannot seem to avoid it myself. 

I am in my third year of picking a word for the year thanks to Christine Kane.  My first year was ‘Happiness’ (in which I started my other blog), last year was ‘Feel’ and this year seems to be coming up with the word Courage.  As I’ve honed in on this word, I am getting all kinds of signs from the Universe that I am onto something.  I’ve decided to bring the totem animal Wolf along for the ride to remind me of this courage.  I have sometimes been known to change my mind so, “until otherwise noted” (my new favorite phrase), I will use the word Courage to anchor my thoughts, decisions and actions.  Sometimes Courage will move into ‘Ferocious’ when I need to feel feisty, and sometimes it will be more of the lighter ‘Brave’ variety…all told, Courage will serve me quite well…at least “until otherwise noted”!

Reverb10: Gift

Reverb10 Prompt: What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

My answer may sound so cliché but it really feels like the truth…the gift of time from friends and my tribe has the most meaning for me this year.  My Myers-Briggs classification is ESTP…and the E is pretty much on steroids.  I thrive on connecting with others in meaningful ways.  I also notice that I don’t thrive when I’m feeling isolated and disconnected.  So, through this year, I’ve had the gift of many many many sessions with “my people”.  With a few people, I’ve even gotten to the point of having weekly contact with them.  Those weekly check-ins have become somewhat of a lifeline for me and they’re pretty much non-negotiable.  Sometimes my lizard likes to speak up and ask if perhaps I’m being needy and that THEY actually do not want to spend that much time with ME…but then I say to my lizard (Alice), “I am going to assume that if they did NOT want to connect with me, they’d say so…so until otherwise noted (my new favorite phrase) I will continue with my habit of regular communication”.  I like to think that this particular gift will be “the gift that keeps on giving”.

Reverb10: Ordinary Joy

Reverb10 Prompt:  What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

I definitely have a gift for enjoying the moments as I experience them…it is automatic…so I’d have to say, this moment two days after Christmas as my extended family meanders through the day playing pick-up card games, then outside for a throw of a football, and then a story from the past.  The comfortable”ness” of my family puffs my heart to almost popping.  These ordinary”ness” of our gatherings is my definition of comfort and joy.