Blog Archives

Where are you?

Where are you my “drive”?
I seem to have lost you.
I see you in spits and spurts…
but, I think you’ve moved to the passenger seat.
I seem to resist you not being here.
I seem to be unwilling to be okay with you in the passenger seat.
What would it mean to be okay with a lack of drive?
It would mean I get to do nothing or something whenever I feel like it.
It would mean I trust that it will come when I need it.
It would mean that some days I am in full throttle…
and some days I am in idle…
and some I am on cruise control.
What is wrong with that?
I don’t know?
Somehow I’ve been believing that it isn’t right.
I am choosing for this moment to believe that it is quite all right…
and, in fact, necessary to replenish my systems for my next full throttle experience.
I like that thought.
Now what?
Now, I ….now, I….now, I… sit and wait for a whisper of what to do next.
I’m listening!


I was turned on to Dan Howard’s concept of Intentional Resting by Martha Beck (you can see it here in O Magazine).  I have loosely practiced it over the last six months and I’ve spread the word when it felt right.

Today I looked deeper at the concept as I am supporting a friend through a challenging experience of being a caregiver for her sister with cancer.  I ‘loosely’ taught her how to do it.

As I find that I want to support her energetically through this process, I find that I want to walk-the-walk for her (and with her) so that I can be a model and a guide…so I’ve signed up for the 30 Day Intentional Resting program.  I can only see a benefit for me and for those I love.

I am more than willing to align with someone (Dan Howard) who has the mission of sending ripples of love through the world via intentional resting…AND it is a win-win for me because I’ll be loving myself too!

In the spirit of intentional resting;  I rest for my intention to rest!  If you are at all interested in this, either check out the website, and/or contact me.

(PS if you think it is about taking naps…think again).


I am calling a whale to me this year.
I am beginning by sending “my” whale to my friend.
She needs a whale in her life more than me so I’m happy to share.
I love that my mention of a whale to her, set the path to her seeing not just one but three.
If I do not see a whale this year, I am happy…
…because my friend saw one and maybe that is who “my” whale was meant for.
I get chills thinking about this.
I am glad she heard the whale call.
I am glad she ran to the window to see.
That to me is the definition of being mindful and following your instinct.
Even if my eyes did not see a physical whale, my heart sure did.
For that I am grateful.

Reverb10: Gift

Reverb10 Prompt: What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

My answer may sound so cliché but it really feels like the truth…the gift of time from friends and my tribe has the most meaning for me this year.  My Myers-Briggs classification is ESTP…and the E is pretty much on steroids.  I thrive on connecting with others in meaningful ways.  I also notice that I don’t thrive when I’m feeling isolated and disconnected.  So, through this year, I’ve had the gift of many many many sessions with “my people”.  With a few people, I’ve even gotten to the point of having weekly contact with them.  Those weekly check-ins have become somewhat of a lifeline for me and they’re pretty much non-negotiable.  Sometimes my lizard likes to speak up and ask if perhaps I’m being needy and that THEY actually do not want to spend that much time with ME…but then I say to my lizard (Alice), “I am going to assume that if they did NOT want to connect with me, they’d say so…so until otherwise noted (my new favorite phrase) I will continue with my habit of regular communication”.  I like to think that this particular gift will be “the gift that keeps on giving”.

Reverb10: Ordinary Joy

Reverb10 Prompt:  What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

I definitely have a gift for enjoying the moments as I experience them…it is automatic…so I’d have to say, this moment two days after Christmas as my extended family meanders through the day playing pick-up card games, then outside for a throw of a football, and then a story from the past.  The comfortable”ness” of my family puffs my heart to almost popping.  These ordinary”ness” of our gatherings is my definition of comfort and joy.

Reverb 10: Beyond Avoidance

Reverb10 Prompt:  What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing it?

Besides the normal wishing I’d said NO, or some of my “follow through” on things, the avoidance that comes first to my mind is…not “going for it” on many elements related to my interests and passions.  Many many MANY ideas have come to me in the past year, some I’ve followed through on and some I’ve not.  My hunch is that the stuff I didn’t follow through on, were ones that would have put me in a more vulnerable state in terms of really saying what I want, trying to get it and risking failing (or succeeding).  I believe that is why I’m compelled to use the word COURAGE as my word for 2011.

I do subscribe to the concept that it is not worth focusing on the things that I have NOT done, but to focus on what I choose to do moving forward…so, I choose COURAGE…and my next ‘trick’ will be to decide what COURAGE looks like for January.

Reverb10: Friendship

REVERB10 Prompt: How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I have little time to dedicate to this topic as my day is nearly spent.  What comes to mind is that recently I’ve been called to support a friend who is caring for her loved one who is requiring a large amount of medical support.  This friend is someone who has come into my life recently and we’ve spent several great afternoons solving the world’s problems over lunch (you know those kind of lunches!).  The other day I got a text from her saying she needed a friend to witness HER needs of the moment.  I NEVER have my cell with me and in this moment her need for support matched my timing of having my cell on hand.  I felt both incredibly vulnerable and incredibly humbled that I was someone she would consider calling. 

This was my call to realize that my energy and caring does reach further than I could ever imagine.  In that moment I happened to be a number she called upon and I happened to be a number available.  AND all I could give her is my time…and all she needed was someone to listen…I cannot describe the meaning that had for me and the incredible impact it has for our relationship.  I have to say her problem is ions beyond what I believe I have the capacity to understand, but her asking for my time allows me to at least SEE where I can stand and deliver for a friend who is suffering.  What I learned from this friend is, it is important to ask and it is equally as important to be asked…and each are both simple AND immensely, incredibly, deeply powerful. 

So in one short call, I felt connected to something that I still feel is bigger than me, but I also feel I am ready to give it my all.  AND that is all I can expect of myself, and that is all she can expect of me…as it should be!

A wrong and then a right

The other day, I made a wrong turn (those who know me will now be saying…what’s new?).  This wrong turn turned out to be a RIGHT turn (both literally and figuratively).  I live near a large lake and in the 4 years of living here, I’d never made my way all of the way around.  It isn’t THAT big that you cannot drive the distance in a matter of 30 minutes. 

My little suburban life had me going to and fro to school, sports, play dates and an occasional trip into the city…but there was nothing drawing me around the lake.  Another thing about this lake and me….is that what I thought was the size of the lake was NOT even close.  We’d swum in the lake every summer and when I looked right, I assumed that just “over yonder around the bend” was the edge of the lake…not even close.  My ‘little world’ had metaphorically been broken open by this little foray around the lake.  It gave me an almost ‘cosmic sense’ that not only was there this “bigger than I’d thought lake”, but perhaps just out of my literal view of my life, there is something just around the bend opening up to me.  My awareness has not yet brought it to light but it is just over there waiting for me to make a ‘supposedly’ wrong turn but to actually find it to be a blessing. 

I am giddy to find out what ‘bigger than I thought’ life is waiting for me.  How fun to think of it that way.  Where are you not seeing the whole picture?  Do you think something is just out of view waiting to be seen?  Do you sense it is bigger than you can imagine?  I am so excited to share with you what my virtual “trip around the lake” will be in my life.  By the way, this journey around the lake provided stunning views, larger than necessary houses, an Eagle sighting, and a side trip to Target…I wonder what those gems will look like in my future life!

Happy in the NOT

This is the image I came home to after a very active but all around great day yesterday.  It was my little high-five with Mother Nature.  The clouds were yellow and I was reminded of this little video I had stumbled upon.  I did not blog as much as I wanted to this week and I have no regrets and I have no excuses and both (regrets and excuses) are things I’m trying to remove from my life…so at the end of the day, I feel successful about NOT blogging.  
Is there something you’re judging yourself about NOT doing.  Is there a way to find a reason to be proud about NOT doing it?   It feels kind of naughty (or NOT-y)…in a good way! 

Nature does nurture

We went on a family hike yesterday and it was fulfilling on so many levels.  The kids had wide open space to run and play (which I believe is in their job description).  There were trees to climb.  There were farm animals to pet.  There were trails to explore.  The kids walked up ahead so my husband and I could catch up with each other.  The kids made up a glorious imaginative story that blew my mind.  I got to take more than a dozen photos of nature and my kids (my son was a ham – and not of the pig version).  I got to say my poem…”Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…” which now drives my daughter crazy, however I’ve noticed that she is starting to say it on her own. 
I swear that nature is magic and I recommend it to everyone who is searching for a little bit of connection to something more; solitude, grace, insight, love and dare I say enlightenment.  I believe those elements are encapsulated in every cell of nature…and then over time the lessons from nature can extend to our “real” lives…and then…and then healing can begin…joy can enter…overwhelm can subside…and lonliness can retreat.  For me, my walk on Sunday felt like connection on a paradoxical level: expansive and intimate at the same time.  Of course the whole family was left wanting more…which is as it should be.  Note to self…more nature means more to life.