Puppy Days

Here’s what I have to say about my time with my new puppy:

I have slept less and walked more.

I have increased the number of times I’ve said:

no, sit, down, ouch, damn, you-little-shit, and stop humping me.

I suspect that my dog and my daughter were twins in another life because they both manifested these qualities as ‘babies’:  smart, willful, independent,  and cute-as-all-get-out.  This made both of them hard to love at times.  I now realize that all of those qualities are extremely healthy and desirable in the long run and so I am deciding to forgive both of them (and myself for making it mean I was not good at this ‘mommy’ job).

I’ve lost track of time while petting the pup and have decided to count it as “meditation”.

I’ve experienced the truth of the statement “you meet a lot of people when you own a dog” .

I have felt pride over the continual compliments about the puppy…as if I have anything to do with it.

I’ve experienced the rumored joy one can feel when your puppy’s body wiggles with excitement when you walk in the door: as if you’re the most important person in the world.

All of this to say, it has been a challenge and a JOY.  Now that I am out of the deep fog of the early puppy days…it is safe to say:

I’m in love…for life.

 

 

Inspired words

I’ve been searching for something to write about other than my puppy (I don’t want to become THAT kind of person who only talks about her kids/dog).  So I searched for inspiration in my photography.

This photo popped into my awareness.  As I re-read these words I am finding that they actually don’t speak to me like I think they “should”.  Not one of the phrases makes me think “yes”.  I find that fascinating.  What would my three lines be?

• Connect authentically
• Believe in possibilities
• Find your flow (and do more of that)

That is about all I have to say about that, so I turn to a quote from a psychologist I’ve studied and whose research and philosophy (theory of flow) I wholeheartedly believe.

“The task is to learn how to enjoy everyday life without diminishing other people’s chances to enjoy theirs.”
―    Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

To be loved

I am currently at my parent’s house for a two night visit with kids and pup in tow.  Now that I live near, these little visits can become the norm, and the ebb and flow of the day can be natural, versus forced because we’re on borrowed time.  I tried to blog yesterday via my cell phone and found that my technology skills are best served on a regular ‘ole laptop.  I am giving myself “credit” for missing a day and allowing the ‘trying’ to count.

I spent the bulk of today scanning a smattering of family photos to be able to create a slide show highlighting the 50 years my parents have shared.  It is fascinating to see the transformation of our family and our looks over the years.  The one thing that is constant though, is the evidence that I was well loved and I witnessed lasting love throughout my life.

I owe a lot of my confidence, outlook on life, focus on possibilities, ability to connect, commitment to my husband and many more personal aspects to the fact that my family extended an enormous amount of love to me.  I am truly grateful and somewhat overwhelmed to fully acknowledge this about my life.

I DO know what it means to love and be loved and the solid foundation was secured by my loving parents, Pam and Frank Hilton.

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.

David Viscott

P is for Pup

Our new addition has been with us for more than a week and I am in the thick of housebreaking him.  It is an “experience” for sure.  I knew it would be, and here I am living it.

As one of my dear friends has pointed out, Casey is proving to be my buddha.  I am learning a lot about myself through the experience of integrating a puppy into my life.

There have been many times while waiting for the dog to do his ”business” that I’ve thought of “p” words that relate to there puppy days.  Here is the running list so far.

Perseverance – this word can be used in many contexts but a few are, being consistent with training; letting the pup “wine it out” in the crate; staying out in the cold at 2am until the pup decides to pee and hopefully poop.

Pee and Poop – I’m reminded of my early days with my kids when I was monitoring their ‘movements’.  I am certainly motivated to witness these being done OUTSIDE.  We’re not 100% there but the hope still remains.

Perfectionism – um…that is to say…I have to release it.  I went in to this relationship having watched videos, read, listened to friends and family and guess what, learning vs. real life application are a lot different…and the sense of overwhelm and ‘not doing it right’ thoughts and feelings are definitely on hyper drive right now.

Puppy Breath – this one is confusing to me.  Every dog owner I’ve met wants to pick up the dog and smell his breath.  I smell his breath often and every day and all I smell is kibble…is that what is rewarding?  OR is their adult dog’s breath so bad that their perspective is skewed.

Patience - this one goes without saying.  I am learning (or maybe re-learning) what it means to be patient with such things as waiting for pee and poop, cleaning the carpets as a result of the above, and tolerating nips and barks while attempting to curb them.

Prankster - This dude is tricky and cannot be trusted (no duh!  that is the job of the puppy).  Today’s prank was to attempt to take the daffodil off its stem.  After three redirects from me, he cunningly swiped it off and booked away from me.  Ay Carumba.

Puppy Love -  The cuteness factor of our dog really helps me to see through the challenges of early puppy days.  I am still warming to our ‘Casey Bear’ but I do find moments where I enjoy the connection with him.  This creature certainly is independent, opinionated, sneaky, smart and not easily ‘fooled’ (I could say the same of my daughter as a toddler so I am in familiar territory).  I toggle between love and overwhelm.  If I were to be honest, I had to warm up to my newborn babies too (which surprised and confused me at the time).  Maybe that is how I roll; I need to build mutual connection, but once that is formed, I am loyal and deeply connected beyond measure.

And lastly…

Peaked – sleepless nights, multiple trips out for potty breaks and walks, and the constant oversight of the puppy has me a bit worn out.

I am reminded of the Little Engine that Could….

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can

 

 

 

 

 

Reflect and Refresh

In 2008 I set the intention to write daily as a self exploration, curiosity, creativity, and escape-from-boredom process.  I started on/near my birthday. I truly enjoyed it and gained a great deal from the experience.

And then, it stopped and I created all kinds of stories about that.  I have since let my old blog www.happinessanmoonshine.com stay ‘as is’ without updates.

Today is my birthday.  I desire to write regularly again on this website.  I’d like the cadence of writing I achieved back in the day.

Here’s to my 44th year (feels like an auspicious number).  Here’s to renewed writing goals and enhanced inspiration.

“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”
―    T.S. Eliot,    Four Quartets

 

 

Dog Days!

I have just launched myself into a new role and identity of dog owner and it has been a big deal for me.  I have lost more sleep and experienced more ‘angst’ over welcoming our new dog (Casey) into our lives than I did with our BIG DEAL move across country.  What’s with that?

It boils down to one word: VULNERABILTY.  As with loving someone and having children, dog ownership brings up tons of thoughts and emotions that can fall under the realm of feeling vulnerable.  Here are my current challenging thoughts about having this dog in my life:

• Our freedom to go wherever we want whenever we want will be compromised.
• Our family’s financial security is at risk with the addition of dog-care expenses.
• The order and cleanliness in our home will change.
• What if he becomes a ‘challenging dog’ and we’ll not be seen as the fun, easy-going family we enjoy being.
• What if he doesn’t love and respect me?
• What if he dies before I’m ready?
• What if he is more to handle than I’m prepared for?

…and the list goes on.  If I look at each and every one of those thoughts, they have been present for me throughout my adult life and they center around the risk to love wholeheartedly and to be “all in”.   More specifically, if I overlay the decision to marry my husband (of 18 years) or to have my two kids; the thoughts and questions are essentially the same.  I am so glad I took the risk with those three amazing people in my life…so now I add baby Casey to the mix.  My heart is ready and the resulting love and vibrancy I’m adding to my life, is priceless.

That all being said, making a move across country, while stressful and challenging, isn’t as risky to me as opening my heart up to love.  I’m glad I’ve been willing to do both though…I am loving every minute of it!

Check Engine

My car is proving to be an interesting investment these days.

I’ve changed all four tires after my recent flat, I’ve had a new headlight put in, last week I had the ‘check engine’ message figured out (to the tune of $600); and now only a week later, ‘check engine’ has come back to greet me.

I am often curious about how challenges relate to other parts of my life: metaphorically speaking.  Where do I need to ‘check engine’ in my everyday life?

I’ve definitely been ‘looking under the hood’ by doing a ton of self discovery and refreshing myself with my values, priorities and skills.  I’ve rewritten my resume.  I am re-engaging in writing.  I am loving how my move transpired and it is motivating me to create other amazing opportunities at which I can marvel.  So…what the heck is my ‘check engine’?

If I were to think about what an engine is, it is the essential part of making the car work…it is the inner workings of the motor vehicle.  I can think that perhaps check engine could mean…get your behind to the doctors (I’ve not yet formalized all of our doctor/dentist/orthodontist services).  We are all due for a check up!  I could also take an interest in upgrading my interest in healthy eating and fitness.

Another ‘engine’ for me is my website which is the chief communication vehicle of my business.  Is it time to upgrade the content and user experience?  More clarity on my services? An overhaul?

My relationship with my husband is the engine for keeping our family healthy and thriving.  Our communication and connection provides the standard by which the kids can feel secure and creative in their own lives.  I know we could be more intentional in our connection.

The ‘check engine’ also implies being able to travel in a facile manner.  I know that some travel is coming our way this year…gaining clarity and direction for our travel intentions will clear up the uncertainty around spring and summer plans.

Speaking of clarity and direction, I have been on a 4 year quest to upgrade my financial sovereignty: my empowerment and understanding of the money matters in my life.  I could use a refocus on that.  That certainly is ‘engine like’ in terms of how we are able to move forward with our lives in the standards in which we’ve become accustomed.

I believe I could go on and on and on how the ‘check engine’ metaphor can open a door to understanding about my need to gain clarity and motivation in many areas of my life.  This spontaneous metaphor tool has been quite enlightening and provides a ton of insight for my imminent planning and visioning sessions I’ll be doing this week.

I don’t like being super linear (I call myself a right-brained thinker), so this metaphor work provides a creative way to identify facts and possibilities for myself.  I’m definitely keeping this tool in my back pocket for my life and the lives of my coaching clients.  It’s a beautiful thing.

Love thy Neighbor

I love my new neighborhood and my new neighbors.  In the past few months and as recently as this week, we have been welcomed so generously into the lives of the people who make up our neighborhood.  I could not feel luckier.

Even before the possibility of moving here to the DC-area came into being, I had written about what I desired for a place to live.  I wrote, and wrote and wrote…and I phrased it in the present tense as if my desires were already fulfilled (also know as “Pray Rain Journaling”).

I feel totally at home, I feel inspired by my environs, I am proud of the ability to walk and use public transportation and most of all, I am amazingly pleased to find that I enjoy the people in our neighborhood.

I have become a true believer of writing “as if” the desired outcome has already happened.  My new journal writing will include how I intend to expand my network and my opportunities to make a difference for my family, my community and for other endeavors that I don’t know exist yet!

I love to think that ‘the best is yet to come’ -  I am willing to have it be that way (and more).  Because I cannot think of all the possibilities available to me, I always end my writing with the statement – THIS OR BETTER!

Aligned Visions

Today I co-facilitated a vision board workshop with a fellow coach Joda Coolidge.  I love facilitating small groups and I love to expose people to new creative ways to set visions and goals for themselves.  It is my playground!

I’ve been doing this process for myself for the last 5 years.  I enjoy the actual process, and then have fun reflecting on what I’ve achieved.

My first one I did was my most ‘inauthentic’ of all I’ve done.  I put things on there that I thought I ‘should’ want, like tons of money, an advanced certification, a published book.  That was and is ‘en vogue’ in coaching communities and I thought I should have that on my vision board.  When I recall that time, I can feel how much I was not aligned with some of the images.

On that same very board though some things did come true…I traveled extensively, I got a cleaning lady, had time to read a ton of books and so forth.  The thing that was also on the board was a house that, to me, represented a living space that was ‘just so’.  I was not necessarily interested in the house, just the feeling it gave me.  Well, fast forward to now…I am living in that very kind of house – a Cape style.  I didn’t even know I really wanted this style of house, and I wasn’t necessarily looking for this kind when we were house hunting, but that is what I live in.  Pretty cool, huh?

I do my vision boards mostly from a ‘feeling state’ perspective.  Of course, if there is something specific that I desire, I’m willing to put it on there, but I also want to make sure that I put how I will feel when I have it…because there is maybe something even better that can fulfill that desired feeling state that I cannot envision for myself.

I didn’t get a chance to do my own vision board today, but I certainly have a hankering…all magazines and glue sticks have better be on notice, I’m in a cutting and pasting mood!  Watch this space!

A Brighter Light

Today, I learned that one of my classmates and coaching friends passed away.

This hit in an odd way.  She is the first friend (that I know of) in my coaching community who has exited this earth plane.  I think I was of the belief that we were all going to somehow “grow old together, influencing the earth with love and inspiration”, but alas Melanie’s inspiration is coming in a different form.  She was super bright and positive.  She was a light.  Even her Facebook page seemed shinier than most.

My relationship with death has been morphing these past 4 or so years.  I’ve come to really accept the idea that when it is “our time” it is our time.  Who am I to understand the why of it all.  It feels more like acceptance and it actually brings me more peace.  Of course, I can get tied up in thoughts of “it was a senseless death” when tragedy befalls families that seem ‘not right’… or someone goes “before we think they should”.  But again I ask, who am I to decide what their life path or purpose was?  We are here to learn lessons and teach lessons…our life path is a lesson for ourselves and others.  If we are able and willing to rise to the Eagle View of life, we might be able to see a bigger expression of what it is all about.  I don’t know what it is all about, really, but I am willing to be open to a different perspective.

Many people (including me) are grieving and having an opportunity for reflection of a bright life and a bright light.  Before I would have said the light has been put out…but now I see that her light has been expanded and can play a bigger role in spreading love, light and positivity (as was her way).

This experience brings me back to the present and helps me look at what is important in my life.  It makes me want to take on some of her purpose here on earth.  I am willing to shine brighter in honor of Melanie.